that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
