I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am midnight drunk by noon
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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