Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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