The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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