Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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