oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
