Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
