We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
