peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
