aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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