you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
