I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
