I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
