Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
