TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
