apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
