I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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