Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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