this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
