I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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