One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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