I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
