its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He did a backflip because drugs
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
