Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
