we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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