Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
