I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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