is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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