I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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