he thought i was a dude.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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