Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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