I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
