i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
