You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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