I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
