Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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