do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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