just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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