you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
