you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
