R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
