Sry I called you an 8
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
