dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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