omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
