I am in a vortex of obligation.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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