it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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