FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize