If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
