I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize