she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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