i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
