i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
