i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
