Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
