Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
