Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
