U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
