and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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