if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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