I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
