thus making me awesome and them whores
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
