3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
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