would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
