I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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