Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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