I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
